This is so hard!

Why is it easier to yell than to speak kindly to those we love?  I think I'm done with summer!  Except that I'm not!  I love having my kids home and I love most of all no homework and no waking up early to pack lunches.  And yet, #2 needs school.  She has become down right mean and is talking back like I haven't seen in a long time.  And I don't know how to deal with it.  Before I always yelled and it didn't really work, but it kinda did.  Now not yelling makes her feel like she has more power and she's being even naughtier! UGH! I will start again tomorrow and pray for strength because I obviously need it!

I yelled.

I made it 6 days without yelling.  I was so proud of myself.  It was feeling easier and I was on a roll.  Then I lost it.  It seems silly now, kind of...We went on a family vacation this last weekend to attend a family reunion.  The weekend went great and then it was time to get out of the hotel and be on our way.  We had 1 hour until check out and my kids all needed showers.  I sent the 3 girls in and checked on them every few minutes.  After 20 minutes of asking them to stop playing and hurry up, I yelled.  I yelled, "Hurry up and get out of the shower right now!"  #2 and #3 get out for me to realize that #2 still had shampoo in her hair and #3's hair was dry!  DRY!  And #1 was in there the longest and still not done.  After I yelled I realized what I'd done and the black and white thinker in me came back.  The quitter in me came back.  "Oh, you've done it now.  You've yelled.  You failed."  I lost my momentum and I yelled more.  It took me that day and the next day to get my brain back on track to try again.  Day 1 (again)-yesterday, went okay.  I didn't yell, but it was back to being hard again.  Back to forgetting and having to remind myself throughout the day so that I wouldn't just yell out of habit.  I can do this!  I know I can.  Today I ordered Orange Rhino bracelets for each member of my family.  And we are going to finally color those rhino pictures orange to hang around the house.  My kids need to learn to stop yelling just as much as I do.  Peace, we all need peace!  It will come...I pray!

4 DAYS!!!!!!

The plan was to write every day and talk about the ups and downs, but it's summer and summer at our house means super busy!  But, I have to report that I have gone 4 whole days with no yelling!  I can feel the Lord helping me and strengthening me.  When I was praying about all of the things in my life that I need to do and change I had a strong feeling that this one needs to be at the top of the list.  He is helping me do it!  Over the past month I have tried a little here and there to have a no yelling day, but I would literally forget.  How is that possible?!?  Well, it is and then I would also forget to try and start over.  This time is different.  I feel His power and his little reminders and I am not yelling.

Day 2 was going to be my hard day.  That day I had to get the house clean because we were having people over that night for a BBQ, but I managed that with some built up frustration, but no major incidents.  Actually, I take that back.  I need to Toot my Rhino Horn here for a minute!  #2 daughter, as I have mentioned before is my hardest child for me.  She was not listening and cleaning up like I had asked.  The room wasn't that bad and it would have taken her maybe 3 minutes.  She is a "You can't make me" child.  And she's right.  I have learned I can't make her do anything.  Nothing.  She has to be willing and decide she wants to do something, or she just won't.  Period.  So, I have to find ways to make her want to do what I ask.  And sometimes that means getting mean.  She just had a birthday and was wearing her new outfit.  I (with much struggle) took off her new sweater she was wearing (she had a shirt on under, no worries) and informed her that she could have it back as soon as she finished that room.  And so began the tantrum.  She is so good that these!  She's better than any 2 year old you'd ever see.  She is loud and strong and can turn on the water works like she just won an Oscar!  I stayed calm and tried to ignore her the best I could as I reminded her how to get it back.  I ended up having to put said sweater up above the refrigerator in the far back of the cupboard where I could barely reach it.  She got the stool and tried to reach.  Then got 3 pillows to put on top of the stool to try and reach.  This went on for 10 minutes or so and finally it dawned on me.  I'm staying calm and when you think about it, this is kinda funny!  So, what did I do?  I took a picture!  She was so caught off guard that she couldn't hold back a smile as she stuck her tongue out and it diffused the situation!  It diffused the situation!  This little girl is capable of going on for hours!  She has fallen asleep during a tirade and woken up an hour later and continued to scream.  I reminded her that she just needed to pick up a few things and she could have it back right away.  She picked it all up and got her sweater back.  I DIDN'T yell!  Usually by that point I would have been screaming "Stop it right now!  Knock it off!  Just do what I say and you can have it back!" So, there you have it.  Day 2 a success!

Day 3 ended being my hardest day.  I didn't feel well and my head hurt.  My kids were being loud and didn't listen to me pretty much the entire day.  One of my kids accidentally hit me in the head with a water bottle and I about lost it.  I felt my blood pressure and frustration on the edge of bursting all day, but all I said was ouch, very loudly and caught my emotions with tears instead of yells.

I was most excited with day 4 because I experienced something that I've never really felt before and I liked it!  My kids were on my bed playing with my iPad.  Playing turned into fighting (of course) and I screamed, "Hey!" trying to get their attention.  I scared myself!  Haha!  I was so caught off guard by my reaction that I was able to stop and regain control of my emotions and talk to them nicely about the rules of the iPad.  So, I yelled, yes, but it was still under the #4 rule of yelling (see HERE for the 1-7 scale of yelling.)  That's when I knew the Lord in on my side and that I can do this!  Of course I know I will fail at some point, but I am doing my best and hope it's not any time soon!  I need this and my kids need me to do this!

Life Anew

Let me start by telling you a little about me and my life.  I have been married to my hubby for 13 years this August.  We have 4 crazy, energetic and dramatic kids.  3 girls and 1 boy, #1-girl: age 11, #2-girl: age 7, #3 girl: age 4, and my boy is 2.  I was a perfect mom until I had kids! LOL! And with my first, I was still pretty good.  She was a sweet, and for the most part, obedient, little thing.  I almost never yelled.  I definitely never spanked and I was still able to talk to her in the positive (something I learned in school, where you tell them what to do, instead of what not to do.)  Then I had my second child...my hard, stubborn, frustrating, beautiful, sweet, loving child.  She has been my challenge and I don't know that this will ever change.  I grew up in a house full of yelling.  Everything we did was wrong and we got yelled at big time.  I have tried so desperately to not be my mother.  I love her, but I don't want my kids growing up like I did.  Here's the kicker, with each new child I have become more and more like her.  

One day (a few weeks ago) I found THIS blog on Pinterest.  The pin was titled 10 things I learned with I stopped yelling at my kids.  Her #1 hit me right in the stomach, and I realized that all of my problems stem from yelling:  "1. Yelling isn’t the only thing I haven’t done in a year (399 days to be exact!)
I also haven’t gone to bed with a gut-wrenching pit in my stomach because I felt like the worst mom ever. I haven’t bawled to my husband that I yelled again and again. And I haven’t heard my sons scream, “You’re the meanest, worstest, mommy in the whole world, I don’t love you anymore!” Yep, I learned real quickly that there are upsides to not yelling!"

I have self esteem issues, and I feel like I'm failing as a mother.  Worst of all I don't feel as close to The Lord as I would like, or as I used to.  And why not?  Because I yell.  There, I said it.  I yell at my kids.  All the time.  I yell when they are being naughty.  I yell when they are too loud.  I yell when they are just being kids and mean well, but make my job harder (ie: making messes.)  It's awful.  I feel awful and my kids sure don't like it.  My oldest is starting to sound just like me (it's scary to see yourself in your children) and #2 tunes it out so that she just doesn't listen to a darn thing I say, like ever.  

Aside from all of this, I have many personal goals.  As I read through her blog and as I've prayed, I feel like learning not to yell is the key to every single goal I have.  As I go along I'll be blogging about my other goals as well, but the one I am going to focus on the most is my goal of not yelling.  I am now an Orange Rhino, just like the girl from the blog that has been so much inspiration.  And here is where my story begins.  Today is day 1 and so far I'm doing great.  I know this will be a hard journey, and I may have to start over, but I'm going to take 1 day at a time.

"Rhinos are tenacious and vigorous animals who are naturally peaceful, but display aggressive behavior when provoked.

Wow. That’s me alright, minus the vigorous piece. I definitely don’t have the mental strength or energy. If I did, I wouldn’t let myself charge with my “words” so frequently!  I am totally a Rhino. But I don’t want to be aggressive; I want to lose that and gain the vigorous part. I need more warmth and energy. Clearly, I need a little more of the color Orange in my life especially since it also conjures up feelings of determination which I am most definitely going to need more of in order to conquer this challenge.

So there you have it. I want to be The Orange Rhino.

I want to be a mom who has the energy and determination to forge ahead and parent with more composure and warmth and without the yelling!"